One thing that disappoints me very much is when those who consider themselves progressive do not live their politics. They act explicitly counter to their expressed ideals, often directly harming those around them. On the weekend, I stopped by an anarchist book store to pick up some books for my upcoming travels. The volunteers staffing the store had trouble providing the correct change as one of the volunteers had absconded with the takings. Analogous to this, a friend has been subjected to, and disrespected by, the actions of self-identified progressive male. Unfortunately, it continues (and is getting worse). Why does it seem that men are still perpetuating such self-absorbed bullshit?

In the latter example, the person involved not only acted deceitfully for a long time, they actively tried to engineer a situation in which they could flee without facing up to their actions — to be seen as not implicated or directly responsible. They sought to foster circumstances in which my friend would be forced to confront them, to be seen as the protagonist and, as a result, responsible.

Not surprisingly, the perpetrator continues to act in a similar vein — long after they were found out. They have continued to try and keep their shameful and disrespectful actions private, seeking to live their life as if they have done nothing wrong. Further, they are still seeking to position my friend as the villain, to save face. This person admitted some wrong doing in private — not accepting or taking any level of responsibility their actions. They think their hands are now clean, and are trying to maintain the façade.

I come back to it again, why the fuck is it seemingly always self-identified progressive men who think they are not responsible for their actions? Why do men continue to position women as responsible for pointing out to us when we do fucked up patriarchal bullshit? Why do men then feel like, or try to position themselves as, victims when their fucked up actions are pointed out? What is it that it is often — thankfully not always — women are the ones who (have to) call their male friends on their bullshit? What the fuck are the apparently progressive male friends doing in all this, aside from being complicit?

The protagonist is still trying to hide their actions, even implying my friend is being inconsiderate by not forgiving them. Further still (again) they are seeking to label any attempt to imply they take responsibility for their actions, to own up for their shit, as not a considerate or progressive thing to do!

I’d like to think that progressive males can act progressively rather than self-absorbed and arrogant. Yet it seems far too many are as shallow as their apparently ‘cool’ punk tattoos, short-lived haircuts and fashionista centric clothing.

Own up to your shit! Until you do, don’t think you are, or try to label yourself as, anything but the fucking shallow tool that you are.